Cookie Rehab

Thin Mints: The most enduring and universally familiar
Girl Scout cookie. These round, mint-flavored cookies covered with dark chocolate perennially sell the most
boxes of any cookie. Thin Mints have never changed their name. These cookies
come in a dark green box. Little Brownie Bakers and ABC make Thin Mints.

Little did the Girl Scouts of America tell us on their cleverly packaged boxes that each serving of these cookies contains 500mg of pharmaceutical grade crack cocaine.

Damn suckers are addictive! You open a box of the little delights, with the intent of only eating 3, and before you turn arround half of the box has dissapeared into the caverns of your GI tract.

Those girls have the perfect business strategy: dispatch squadrons of cute little girls, all dressed up in their uniforms, with their soccer moms trailing along in the minivan parked on the side of the road. Why this is successful:

1. Cute little girls. How can you resist?
2. You know damn well that those cookies are good
3. You will get the glare from mom, who will remember your face and invaribly end up in front of you in the supermarket line or slow you down in traffic.

In other news, my hard drive has officially died. I expect to ship it back to Maxtor shortly, but that will have to wait till i get paid on friday. It would not be inacurate to say that i can probably scrape up more change in my vehicle than the ammount of cash i posess in my bank account.

As for my gallbladder, i am holding off on surgery for now. At the moment, the only thing to do is take it out, see if it helps, or keep it in, see if it gets better. If it is my gallbladder, then eventually it will rear its ugly head again and it will definately have a date with the laparoscope. for now, its lucky.

System Error

"The computer allows you to make mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exception of handguns and tequila." ~Mitch Ratcliffe

As far as sick computers are concerned, my computer is in the ICU. When i came home from work one night, i was alarmed to discover the following message on my monitor:

DISK READ ERROR

PRESS CTRL+ALT+DELETE TO RESTART

Mortified, i initated the computer version of a Code Blue: I called Denise.

Recognizing the gravity of the situation, i was reffered to Ray, the computer equivelant of a level 1 trauma center. If Ray cant fix it, then nobody can.

So now i wait while my PC is being worked on...it is living up to its given name of Ivan the Terrible.

In other news, i wish everyone a happy Singles Awareness Day (SAD). Or Valentines day if you happen to be in a relationship. But by now, im quite sick of hearing cheesy ass jewelry commercials everywhere...every kiss does NOT begin with KAY!! AGHHH!!

Toodles for now, im sure i will find the motivation to write something meaningful later. maybe. if we're lucky.

Diaphoresis!

Oh. My. Gods.

Let me tell you, that HIDA scan was HELL!

Allow me to rephrase...the first hour was just fine, because they were taking preliminary images of my gallbladder (which was then radioactive, by the way). Once most of the tracer has moved into the gallbladder, then the nurse comes in and injects you with CCK (cholecystokinin), the enzyme that makes your gallbladder contract.

As soon as she started pushing that CCK into my vein i instantly became symptomatic. I felt AWFUL, exactly the same as i did back in january when this whole thing started. My entire abdomen instantly became distended with gas, and it seemed like all of my blood drained from my limbs and went to my midsection. I was clammy, very nauseous, and my RUQ was burning some...not fun at all. talk about an apatite killer.

My ejection fraction (how well the gallbladder contracts) was 63 percent, which is excellent. However, because the CCK reproduced my same initial symptoms, that means there is some sort of disease process and it will probably mean i have a cholecystectomy (gallbladder removal) in the future.

Now that the test from hell is over (CCK should be outlawed) i go back to the surgeon on monday and we discuss whats going to happen. Ick.

Acute Cholecystitis

"Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed. "
Michael Pritchard

On Friday, February 10th, I will undergo a hydroxy iminodiacetic acid (HIDA) scan that will evaluate how well my gallbladder is functioning. If the scan reveals that my gallbladder has a low ejection fraction, or is not working properly, then it is likely that it will be removed surgically.

I think that being a healthcare worker makes it even more difficult when faced with a medical problem like this. Because of my education, im well aware of what is happening in my body, and what happens durring the procedure to correct it. I am acutely aware of the risks, and i know what can go wrong.

I'll make it a point to keep you all updated about whats going on, and the results of the test.

Clinical Update

Today was incredibly slow, because my assignment put me in room 3. Room 3 at OMH has not been functional since our arrival in August of 2006. Thus, i was forced to scrounge for exams in the other 3 rooms if one of the students wasnt there.

The exams I did get done today:

• Chest PA (posteroanterior, or back to front) and Lateral
• Right Hand PA, Oblique, and Lateral
• Coronary angiography with Left Ventrical Gram
• CT Head

I did get time to practice my venipuncture skills. My clinical instructor was kind enough to loan her veins, and i performed two injections flawlessly. Thursday should prove to be more fruitful in examinations.

Active Inactivity

"Boredom: the desire for desires."
Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

Ladies and gentlemen, I do indeed find myself bored. Imprisoned at the CCC purgatory, i must wait for my coworker to finish tutoring to engage in a rather delightful game of monopoly that was postponed untill tonight. I shall certainly take pleasure in robbing her of all her assets and forcing her to fork over large subsidies in turn for using my property. Such is the American way.

As a note of clarification, my friend TRYSTA, who assisted me with some of the anti-fundamentalist evasion techniques, often goes by the screen name DEEP SHADOWS. Let this be known. TRYSTA is DEEP SHADOWS. DEEP SHADOWS. TRYSTA.

I will have another clinical update for tomorrow, provided i survive without gouging my eyes with the nearest sharp object. In this case, it would be a pencil. Wait, it looks kind of dull...perhaps the eyes will be spared tonight.

Power of the Frying Pan

Violence stinks no matter which side of it you're on. But now and then there's nothing left to do but hit the other person over the head with a frying pan. - Tom Robbins

I firmly believe that to most situations, violence is not the answer. As civilized beings, we should be able to solve our problems without physical force.

But sometimes, some people just need a swift kick in the ass.

Take my brother, for example. For as long as i can remember, my male sibling and I have always been at odds with eachother. We like different things, believe in different things, enjoy different activities and music: we are on opposite sides of the spectrum.

Occasionally, the little bast...*ahem*...brother will get pretentious. Nothing would feel better than to swiftly strike out and give the antagonist what he deserves. However, my highly evolved civility kicks in and prevents me from smiting him.

I digress back to the issue of some people deserving a good whack.

Lets take a look at some of the people or situations in which it is socially acceptable to give and/or tell someone what they deserve.

1. The Religious Zealot

We all have met them: the highly esteemed men and women convinced that their personal beliefs should be shared by everyone else. Not only do they denounce your way of life and claim that you will burn in the fiery pits of hell for your sins, they make it a point to haunt your doorstep or trail you in your shopping endeavours. To add invasion to annoyance, these individuals often make it a point to encroach upon your personal space, bringing you literally face to face with these theological propagandists.

Give them what they deserve:

• Begin to chant strange, dark sounding words. This is especially useful upon initial confrontation.


• Kindly tell the provocateur(s) that you worship satan, and you must excuse yourself so that you may prepare for a summoning ritual
  
• Wave crystals around, talking about how you can feel the earth mother shying from this place

If these interventions fail, more drastic action must be taken:

• A large wooden pole kept within close reach of the doorway has dramatic effectiveness against fanatics when pulled from storage. Make it a point to not look pleased.


• Call the police. A cruiser pulling up in your driveway is a great incentive to get people to leave


• Should a fanatic choose to grab you, proceed by kicking them in the inside of the knee in a side downward motion, followed by a hard palm strike directly to the sternum. Guaranteed to leave you standing above your victim, reveling over your victory.
  

More scenarios will come over time, for my associates and i must gather and brood about what we shall say.